Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
