Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
