You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
