My sheets look like a crime scene.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
