pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
as a side note pls kill me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
