I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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