I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
