quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
