"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
