I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
