I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
