What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
