But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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