you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was like his penis was on wheels.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ttyl tear gas
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
