i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
