I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize