Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
