Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm too high and old for this...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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