I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
