I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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