I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
