a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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