All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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