My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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