Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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