i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
