That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize