That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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