Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
