Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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