She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize