So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
