So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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