I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
