Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
