I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i think im in europe. pls send help
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
