ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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