my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just puked most of my soul out..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize