I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
