not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
