I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
