In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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