At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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