Please, let me fuck your mom
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
