Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
