Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
