if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
