A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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