Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
