I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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