I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
