I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
