Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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