apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
