is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize