yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
