you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
