He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
