i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
