dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no, he came in my armpit
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize