I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
