so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
