im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
