Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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