Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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