She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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