I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
