being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
