apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
