This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
