It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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