apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
