he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
