but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
