i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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