Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
