Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
