Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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