I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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