big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize