I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
