I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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