On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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