I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we're so committed to being not committed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
