In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
