but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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