DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize