i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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