living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
