what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
