Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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