Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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