piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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