Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
