My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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