I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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