so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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