I could have mohawked her pubes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
