I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
