I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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