Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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