Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
