a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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