I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
