Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
