First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
