i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
