WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
