i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
