got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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