i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
