you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
