I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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