You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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