i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
