I need help removing her.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
