I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
